3 months have past...

More than 3 months have past since march 12th, and it feels like I lost my dad yesterday, but then it also feels like its been a while since i last saw him. It's too painful to remember so many things about him because thats just makes me miss him more.. but then sometimes i wonder if i will forget things about him, or the stories that he told me.. because so often my dad would tell me so many different types of stories, with different names and I would always manage to somehow get lost in his story because something would confuse me about it - for example the names of the people were new to me, or what he was talking about was different from what i knew of, and my dad would carefully look at me and laugh and say "dont worry , you dont have to take notes.. i know you will forget the details...you can ask me again and I will tell you" and we would both laugh it off together..I wish that I had taken detailed notes now that hes not around for me to ask.

The most difficult thing for me to grasp is how time just continues, life just goes on, as if my dad never existed in it before physically. Things are all the same, so many people lose their loved ones everyday, but yet time just goes on, as if there is no physical difference in the world now.
Its like a math equation you know, before my dad was here physically and it was plus sign in the math equation, and now my dad has become a minus sign, but its no difference it seems. When he existed physically, he helped so many people, and interacted with so many, and now that hes been in a way substracted out of the equation, nothing has changed though for others. I get so overwhelmed by the fact that life just goes on as if nothing has happened. when for me it has changed my life entirely so suddenly.

My dad was a dentist. He loved dentistry, he just hated all the paperwork involved in it. Every night I asked my dad how many patients did you see today - his favorite answer was '15'. I had tease him by asking him - how many teeth did you pull out today? - he'd say '15' and then we had just both laugh it off together. His patients remember him and also cant believe that hes no more. He would just tell me such interesting stories about his patients, and what they went through in their lifetime and he would go have coffee with some of his patients, because they just wanted to chat and hang out with him. He was just so likeable and loveable. His favorite thing to say to me when i would brush my teeth was - Only brush your teeth you want to keep! - and I wanted to keep all of mine....... i have never had anybody else clean my teeth and I never thought a day would come that i had have to have somebody else except him be my dentist.

Its hard for me to figure out how exactly how to write these things, but I am trying to use this site as an outlet to remember my dad and somehow imprint my memories I have of him in writing to make them more real or alive again because with each passing day, sometimes I feel I will forget things about him, or certain memories, and I dont want to forget any single thing at all.